When Mom Apologizes Because Her Kids Won't Cooperate During Family Photos

People think I'm crazy when I say I LOVE shooting families with young kids. Give me ALL the toddlers!!

So when a mom turns to me mid-session, cheeks flushed, and says “I'm so sorry, he's not usually like this,” my heart kind of melts for her. She thinks the wild, squirmy, face-down-in-the-grass two-year-old is a problem. He's not. He's being a completely normal kid, and getting kids to cooperate during family photos is literally my job, not hers.

Here's what I want every one of those moms to know, and what I want YOU to know if you photograph families too: a kid who won't stand still isn't ruining anything. It's just the day you're in. And there's a real toolkit for it.

Take the Pressure Off Mom First

Before the session even starts, I tell my families one thing that changes everything: “This is time for you to relax. I will handle your child. Your role is just to sit back and enjoy the session.”

That sentence does so much work. It tells Mom she doesn't have to perform. She doesn't have to prove her kids are well-behaved. She doesn't have to manage anyone for me. I've got it.

I also gently let parents know: this is not the time to discipline or yell at the kids for not cooperating. A child who gets yelled at will cry for the rest of the session, and nobody wants that. We keep the energy playful instead.

And honestly? YOU set the tone for the whole session. If you're calm, the parents will be calm too. When Mom finally exhales, the whole family exhales with her. That's when the real photos start happening.

My Real Toolkit for Kids Who Won't Cooperate

Over the years I've learned a few tricks for getting kids to cooperate, and they have nothing to do with forcing a perfect pose. Here's what I actually do.

Stay flexible and follow their lead

Kids are unpredictable, so I stay flexible and follow their needs. If they need to run around, I let them run and be silly before being still to capture the shots we need. If they don't want to stand but will be held, we do that instead. I tend to read each child for cues.

I like to start with the whole family together because it helps me get an idea of how the kids are going to react, and it gets everybody comfortable. People can be nervous heading into a photo session, and starting together helps everyone chill out.

With younger toddlers especially, let them explore! The world is very big to a toddler. Let them walk around, smell the flowers, look at the rocks. Some of the sweetest smiles happen when they glance up at you in the middle of all that wonder. My favorite photos of my own son are pictures of him kneeling down holding pebbles in his little tiny toddler hands. Flexibility produces the best candid shots.

Pro tip: snap FAST. I keep my camera on continuous shutter so in moments like these I can snap away and not miss the tiny second they glance up at me.

Make it fun

This one's a big one! I'll make crazy sounds, act like a complete weirdo, or get the parents to tickle the kids. Whatever it takes to capture that laugh! When kids think it's a game, they're much more likely to cooperate.

One of my go-to games is the “everyone runs to me” trick. I just had a toddler give me a hard time the other day. He wanted to walk around and wouldn't stand with his family if his life depended on it! Even when Mom or Dad held him, he'd only keep his back to me. So we tried something else. I had Dad hold him and everyone “ran” toward me, taking teeny tiny steps while Dad bounced him as if he were really running. The smile on that kid's face was PRICELESS! As long as the kid doesn't think you're posing for a photo, they'll have so much fun.

One more thing that puts a shy or fearful kid at ease: snap a photo and show them the back of the camera. “Look, I'm just taking your picture, just like on mommy's phone.” Showing a kid a picture of themselves usually gets an immediate smile.

Give them examples

If the toddler has an older brother or sister, have big brother or big sister show them how it's done! I'll have the sibling do exactly what I want the toddler to do, then I'll challenge the toddler to see if they can do it too. Most toddlers love a good challenge!

When all else fails, bribe them

I'm never above a bribe! In my Final Info Email, I literally tell my families to bring bribes just in case. The parents bring them, not me, because they know what their kids love and because of allergies. I keep it to non-messy treats like fruit snacks or marshmallows (no chocolate, no M&Ms or Skittles that melt and stain). We make a deal: smile for a few shots, then take a quick bribe break. The key is to follow through with the rewards, and to tell parents not to pull the treats out until I say so.

The Best “Poses” for Little Kids Aren't Poses at All

Here's a little secret: adorable candid moments hardly happen by accident. I can't force a kid's giggles or genuine smiles, but I can set up an environment for those things to take place. My favorite way to do that is with posing prompts.

Prompts are simply verbal cues I give my clients to get them to do something. They're super simple, but they're designed to let those sweet candid memories happen. They also help everyone relax and capture genuine smiles instead of forced, fake ones.

My favorite prompt for a kid who's having a hard time cooperating is “Run and give Mom and Dad big hugs!” It gets a little energy out, and the kids love the anticipation, so I drag the countdown out to get them more excited. There are 60 prompts like this in my posing system, and they're the whole reason I never panic when a kid won't sit still.

If you want more tricks for getting kids to cooperate during family photo sessions, I've got a whole post on that. And if you're looking for posing tips that actually work for young families, the best “poses” with little kids really are just prompts that create connection. Then you capture what happens.

This Almost Never Goes As Badly As Mom Fears

Friend, if you're worried a session will fall apart because a kid melts down, let me give you some real numbers. A kid has cried the entire session for me exactly twice out of about 400 families. So don't think this is super common!

And here's the sweetest part: out of those 2 kids who cried the whole time, both did AMAZING the next time we had a session together. It was so fun to reminisce with the parents and praise how far the kid had come. It all worked out in the end.

So the next time a mom apologizes to you mid-session, you don't have to scramble. You take a breath, you stay flexible, you make it fun, and if you need to, you reach for a bribe. The kid is normal. The day is what it is. And the photos are going to be the ones she cries over in ten years.

Why This Is the Thing That Actually Grows Your Business

I want you to hear this part, because it matters more than any lens or editing preset you'll ever buy.

The number one way to get someone to hire you regardless of price is to make them feel loyal to you as a person. Photography is a vulnerable experience, and every client walks in with a hidden insecurity they won't always say out loud. For so many moms, that insecurity is worry about whether their kids will behave. When you take that worry off her plate, when you make her feel like a good mom on a hard day, you become the photographer she rebooks and refers to her friends.

That's the thing that separates photographers who get rebooked from photographers who don't. It's not your gear. It's how you make people feel when their kids won't cooperate and everything feels a little chaotic.

So when a mom says “I'm so sorry,” look at her and tell her the truth: her family is beautiful, her kid is completely normal, and you've got this.

Because you do.

If you want to feel this confident with every family that stands in front of your camera, come watch my free posing class. I'll walk you through the foundations of how I approach every session, from the first hello to the final frame.

And if you want to see me handle these moments in real time, that's exactly what Behind the Lens is for. You can watch me photograph real families with real crazy-kid moments and watch the magic happen. I'd love to see you there!